Let's Get Real...

Greetings! 

 It has been far too long since I’ve taken time to write what about what’s on my heart.  Partly because it’s just so much; and partly because writing it makes it real.  So, if you’re ready, let’s get real.  

PAIN is a part of life; a necessary, mandatory part of life. As a family we’ve been experiencing all sorts of growing and stretching pains.  And as a family we TRUST that God is working all these things together for good because we love Him.  But the hurt is so very real.  I find it too easy to stop there; to stay focused on the suffering and forget the bigger picture developing around us.  So while I know the hurt is real, I need to remember that the TRUTH is real, too.  

 

AJ and KC

As a family, we each are struggling with our own little issues and also with the big issues that are consuming our whole family.  In April, KC moved to a bigger facility that is better equipped to handle her needs.  She is doing very well there and truly is enjoying the newness and all of the attention.  She is blooming with the strict structure and routine of it all, of course.  That’s Autism, for you!  Unfortunately, that comes at a cost; a cost to each and every one of us.  KC is excelling with her Autism traits, but at the cost of further damage to her attachment ability.  AJ is severely anxious about every little thing and is not functioning well day to day because she is always concerned about when she will have to leave.  (She cannot comprehend that she is not going anywhere.)  Me?  Well, my daughter is now 60 miles away in a large facility and being parented by strangers that I have no control over.  Yeah.  It stinks.  

Visiting KC

I have, however, come to the conclusion that it’s ok for me to not like her being there.  I struggled for the first month or so with it…questioning whether it was the right move or not.  It was the best move at the time.  It is the best place for her to be right now.  But I don’t have to like it.  It’s probably even a good sign that I don’t.  Every move we make, every choice we make is going to cause further trauma for each one of us.  This makes it so difficult for me to make even day to day decisions.  Again, I get so caught up in the struggle and the hurt that I can’t see the bigger picture.  

What else has been happening, you ask?  Well, AJ and I have been attending a different church the last few months.  I absolutely love it.  One of their biggest missions is to not only serve those with disabilities, but also to teach them to serve God.  There are lots of other special needs parents at this new church.  I cannot explain how huge that is for me.  There is an instant connection, or understanding that parents of typical children simply cannot comprehend.  This church is a beautiful picture of the family of God.  I am so thankful that He led me there. 

In other news, I continue to make progress since my gastric bypass surgery in January.  I am able to eat pretty much anything without complications.  The key is just to eat teeny, tiny amounts and chew everything very well.  I have lost 51 pounds since surgery making it 95 pounds lost since starting this journey a little over a year ago.  Surely, I have a long way to go, but I am making good consistent progress.  This journey is about so much more than what to eat and what exercises to do, most all of the ‘work’ is mental.  I’ve had to change the way I think and react and feel and cope.  (No wonder I’m so tired!)  It should only take another 37 or so years to get the hang of it all.  

I want to thank you for standing with us as we travel through life.  I cannot say thank you enough.  Your prayers and phone calls and time spent debriefing with us is truly helping.  I promise.  We’d be even crazier if it wasn’t for YOU!  For those that desire to pray with us, I am specifically seeking God and His answers for the following:  AJ’s anxiety and whether to seek medical intervention for it, ways to stay connected to KC, and for the financial needs at this time.  Thanks so much for being…yeah just being is ever so important.  And if you see me around, feel free to remind me of the bigger picture and His truth!

Blessings!!