Sunday, November 17, 2013

Adopting Reality

Adoption.  Sounds great, right?  All warm and fuzzy… All sunshine and rainbows…  Let me be the first to tell you, THAT’S a MISCONCEPTION.  

I will preface the rest of this entry by saying in no uncertain terms that I do not regret adopting either of my girls.  I wouldn’t change a thing when it comes to the big, important stuff.  Of course, like all parents, I occasionally wonder what if I would have sought this therapy sooner or tried that course of action instead of what was chosen… But that’s not important.

For those that have not adopted, I shall group you in two groups; those that are or may consider adopting and those that know people that have adopted.  I do not desire to persuade you against adoption. Adoption is not evil.  Adoption is very, very good.  Adoption is important, vital even!  Those that love people that have adopted, know that their journey is much more difficult and yucky than even they understand.  

All that said I want to be very clear and real here, adoption is choosing to live with the sins of others for the rest of your life.  The sins of people you may never know will reside in your homes.  Adoptive parents and adopted kids will struggle with this forever.  There is such a primal wound created when a child is separated from their birth parents, and I have yet to see a family that has not struggled at least a little with this.  For many adopted kids, it’s not just that primal wound, but additionally dealing with the abuse, neglect and/or trauma of life with their birth family.  This is a life-long struggle and many families just cannot survive.  Many more sit at the brink of despair, barely holding it together.  That’s reality. 

This is the part where I jump in and tell you how to fix this…except I don’t know.  Oh, how I wish I did.  For those of you out there that are sitting on that brink of despair, I am there with you.  Here I am asking why.  Why does it have to be so hard?  Why does my child have to suffer so?  Why am I not enough?  Why can’t I figure out what to do next?  So, know you are NOT alone.  There are many of us here.  Let’s reach out and help hold each other up.  Dysfunctional as we may be, we are family.