I never thought I would….

This post is in response to a writing prompt from my new friend, Ellen Stumbo.  (You can read her response here.) Thanks, Ellen, for prompting me to think on these things!

I have been thinking about this for a while and I cannot choose just ONE thing that I never thought I’d do.  My life is FULL of things I never thought I’d do.  Thankfully so, as the life I had envisioned would have been quite boring, dull, and far too normal.  

Also, I never thought of wearing THIS to the chiropractor! 

The biggest thing I never thought I would do was to choose to become a single parent.  It’s certainly not what I grew up dreaming about!  Does anyone?  I had to be completely coerced by God Himself that I was to take this path.  I still struggle with being enough for my girls.  I struggle with feeling like they are missing out.  The truth is God is enough for them and for me, too!  

After becoming a single parent of a special needs child, I never thought I would become so isolated.  I am an introvert at heart and it was such an easy transition at first.   And then it just got lonely.  As KC’s behaviors have gotten worse over the years, so has the isolation.  For the last 8 months she was at home, we never left.  We weren’t able to go anywhere or do anything.  I was unable to go to work; AJ was unable to participate in any social activities.  We couldn’t even go to church.  It was during that time I began to learn more about myself and what I need to function properly.  I was shocked to discover that I do really require social interaction.  (I also discovered that many people couldn’t or wouldn’t join me in that valley, but that is another post.)

The most painful response to this writing prompt is still so raw.  It’s still ‘being treated’.  I never ever, ever thought that I would have to choose between my children.  Now, before anyone jumps on that, I fully know that the choice I made was THE best for everyone, including both of my girls and that I didn’t actually choose one over the other.  But in my heart, it feels that way….and it feels so very wrong.  To willingly have my child removed from my home was, um, well, there just aren’t any words big enough, or strong enough to express what happened both physically and emotionally to our family.  It is something that has scarred each of us for life.  I look forward to the time that we can look back and see how God used those scars and made them beautiful.  Until then, we seek His healing balm.  

So what have you never thought you would do or be?  What has surprised you in this grown-up world?